This month I agreed to share about my own journey in the LGBT community I’m a part of at work, and thought it’d be worth sharing the same post more widely. ❤️
My name is Heather and my pronouns are she/her. I’m bisexual, having come out “fully” only a couple of years ago. When I was about 7 years old, soon after my parents divorced, my father came out as trans, and bi, and transitioned to being a woman: Paige. I’ve always been close with her, so the LGBT community has been close to my heart for nearly my whole life. I remember going to PFLAG groups as a kid. We have a number of LGBT family friends. I’ve been to a lot of Seattle Pride parades.
It wasn’t a very easy childhood (whose is, really), in particular because of the divorce, and sometimes being the mediator between my parents. I admit that for a while it did feel like I was losing a father, but I eventually realized that what I was grieving was partly the divorce and losing a nuclear family (as my mother raised me after that and I only saw Paige on weekends), and partly I was grieving the traditional “father figure” in my life, yet Paige was still there and loved me just as much as she always did. As a side note, I do sometimes use “dad” or “father” as the noun to refer to her since as I was growing up, my mother was always the “mom” and it didn’t feel as right to Paige to use that word herself, and Paige has also said she has felt guilty about “taking my dad away from me” in a sense (I blame society for that, not her 🙂), so when I was younger she suggested I continue to use “dad” if it helped me. Today I only really use it when talking to others about her, to make it clear she’s my parent.
For me, being bisexual has been one of those things that is easy to hide and be silent about, or “cover”, because my partner is a man and it looks like a straight relationship. I acknowledge that this is a privilege I’ve had. I also wasn’t aware I was bi until sometime in college. It was a huge relief for me to come to that conclusion, to realize there was a reason I felt nervous around some women (those were crushes, girl!), but also scary because I had to consider how, when, and who to come out to, and I’ve struggled a lot with the fear of what others think of me, in all areas of life. I held back telling anyone about being bi for many years, except to people I dated. Eventually, two Junes ago, I came out to my friends and wider family, partly to help normalize being bisexual and being part of the LGBT community, and also to allow myself to be more connected with the LGBT community. It didn’t feel right to me to attend LGBT events and talk about being bi with others at those events if I couldn’t work up the courage to tell my friends and family. Having a supportive group of friends and family is also a privilege I acknowledge. I eventually felt that it was only right that I help normalize being bisexual in a way that would be very visible to others.
I also share frequently on social media about my anxiety and depression. It’s a value of mine to be vulnerable with others and share my experiences in order to foster human connection. To anyone who feels comfortable sharing, what have you come out about, or “un-covered” if you will, in your life? Maybe it’s your sexual orientation, maybe it’s your gender identity, maybe it’s a disability?